Forgiving those that have done us wrong is never an easy thing to do and yet it’s a very necessary step towards freeing oneself from the burden of pain and trauma.
It doesn’t mean that you must embrace those that have wronged you back into your life, it simply means that you shift the responsibility and guilt for what they did back to them by releasing all your hard feelings towards them. Life will put them in their place, it’s not your job to do so. Your job is to heal yourself and come out stronger out of any difficult situation.
As difficult as forgiving others may be, it pales in comparison to forgiving oneself for one’s own shame and guilt.
The epidemic of self-destructive behaviour that we see in society today; be it alcohol and drug abuse, or promiscuity, gambling, porn addiction or food disorders, often stem from feelings of guilt and shame from past emotional trauma.
The longer the negative behaviour goes on, the harder it becomes to forgive oneself for it and so the downward spiral perpetuates, cementing the feelings of self loathe and unworthiness.
These unresolved, unspoken, unforgiven feelings, slowly eat away at people from the inside until they feel they are so undeserving of anything good and positive that they consciously or subconsciously, embark on a journey of self-destruction.
“I am not worthy” is their psychological mantra, the program they’ve been running on, often since childhood.
Such deeply ingrained beliefs about oneself are not easy to overcome, they usually stem from a traumatic experience that still needs to be ‘extracted’, analysed, accepted, forgiven and ultimately discarded.
Remember you are NOT what happened to you, you are what you choose to make of it, and you are worthy, we all are and we all have the chance to redeem ourselves.
When trauma happens early on in life it’s simply not possible to process it in a manner that doesn’t harm us but it’s never too late to turn things around and come out of the dark place you may be in.
You will be surprised at how many people will be willing to help you if you just take the first step and dare to speak about your feelings.
You are not alone, you are not the only one in pain, you are not unworthy, you simply have not yet drummed up the courage to speak your truth. Let it out, no matter how dark it may be, no matter how many people around you it affects, you have to let it go by facing all its uglyness.
Purge yourself from the poison that is festering inside of you, for not only is it killing you, it’s harming those that love you and don’t want to witness your self destruction.
Remember, it’s never too late, life is always giving you the chance for you to take a step in a better direction and God is patiently waiting for you to do so…
Note to Readers:
Oh, I hear you, Laura. Being an incest survivor, I had to learn to forgive myself for allowing those encounters to even happen. Notice that I didn’t state I was a “victim”. I think that I chose to go through the experience, from a soul level. Even as a young person, I seemed to understand that concept from an intuitive perspective, something that confused my two sisters and extended family later on. Eventually, I was able to forgive my father, too, but it wasn’t until he had begun to become very childlike as he began a long descent into dementia. I did not reach the same level of forgiveness for my mother, who allowed these things to happen, who did not protect me as a child, did not love me enough.
Do you see why it is important to love yourself? You can’t always count on those who are even part of your family to be there for you if you do something they don’t approve.
With self-love, even in the face of rejection, you can still go forward, face each day, seek and find a connection with your inner guidance.
The path of being alone builds character for you have to accept that true love emanates from within. Eventually, when all the dross of disappointment, self-neglect, self-hatred burns off in the fires of transformation, you emerge stronger, more resilient, and can send your intense heart flame out into the world. It is a fire of consciousness that burns through old programs, the expectations of others, and clears out all the rubbish that has lain hidden in the deep subconscious through lifetime after lifetime.
We call it self-love, but in truth it is the love that Spirit, that Source conveys to you as you connect with it. Deep, deep inner regard, self-acceptance which moves to self-love, which moves on to love and acceptance for all that exists in the material and non-material worlds.
This deep sense of acceptance transforms into an innerstanding of Unity, that we are all fractals of Source, having experiences that deepen our understanding of the permutations of existence. Not all things have to “make sense” or fit into a pre-existing concept. Life does not progress in an organic manner when shoved into little predictable boxes of expectation. Some of us have to break out of the pre-conceived notions and relish the light of consciousness even as it exposes our own spots and foibles… those very qualities that can be, given the intent and inner will, which can be translated and transformed into our greatest strengths.
Compassion and an understanding of how other people feel and experience life can proceed, as you have been there and done it. Suddenly, you become a voice of wisdom, calm, and patience, for those who come to you asking questions. Yet, you know through experience, sometimes hard, painful experience, that the answers must arise from within the individual who asks the questions. Anything coming from the outside may not be understood or even worst, the individual will adapt themselves to fit the answer… “Oh, I am that…” and cease to explore their inner world. Eventually, they will come to realize the answer wasn’t what they were seeking and they will blame you for taking them down a side path and into the grass of distraction.
Each of us, as individuated soul essence must learn to accept our own path to forgiveness, self-acceptance, self-love… and allow those understandings to expand into compassion for self and others, and eventually move into the true essence of Christed (anointed) consciousness, compassion and love for all life.
We are truly alchemists in charge of our own transformation, growth, and ascendance. Some of us chose a harder path than others but it does not make us special. It makes us human. It makes us capable of loving unconditionally… a term that really doesn’t exist because Love is. It simply is the black matter that binds the stars together in the sky, that draws people together, that inspires the artist, the poet, the pottery maker. Love is what connects us all. It connects us to our Maker, our Mother, the Creator, Source.
At the end of the Story, there is only One.