On Being Highly Sensitive

by Eliza Ayres

Note to Readers, old and new: This is a piece written originally about 12 or 13 years ago. I have edited it quite a bit and still find it rather wordy, one of my weaknesses as a writer. I long for worlds where telepathy is used and a simple vision can address volumes of meaning. Still, it might be helpful to some. I am allowing comments this time, although I may turn them off, again. Any impertinent comments will be summarily deleted. I am in charge of maintaining the frequency of this blog.

Western culture has not always appreciated the highly sensitive among us. I should know since I am one of the 15 to 20% of the population often mistaken as being “shy”, socially inept, or socially backward. While I thought myself shy for many years, I have since found out I’m merely different. As I learn to accept what I am, I’ve grown more comfortable with being just who I am, without apologies to anyone.

The highly sensitive are just that, sensitive to loud noises, smells, strong emotions, confrontation, and clutter. I feel more comfortable doing something alone than attending a party. As I have gotten older, I have learned that I require more alone time just to unwind from a day at work. I seek solace like many others seek company. I find my own company quite enough, especially when in the woods, hiking or camping.

For many years I didn’t understand what was wrong with me; then, I finally figured out that there wasn’t anything wrong with me. That someone can be different and be quite normal is not usually presented as an option in our western society. I have lived without television, cellphones, and loud music for years and find no lack in my life. I would prefer to read, garden, hike and work with my hobbies, painting, and photography.

Something in the 1990’s, I ran across a book called “Are you Highly Sensitive?” I read with some curiosity and was gratified to discover that there were other people like myself. I have always used my feelings as a measure. Early on, even in the 1980’s I became aware that I was highly intuitive.

Once I was hiking on my own in a state park outside of Spokane. It was mid-Autumn, in November. The weather was rapidly changing, and clouds were building up in the sky. I had parked my car outside the park boundary as the main entrance was closed. I followed an old road above the main canyon and then dropped down on unmarked side trails until reaching the main trail along the creek. Going upstream, I stopped as I saw a sudden movement on the far side of the creek; there was a wild mink. It looked at me for a few moments. Then, suddenly, I felt a kind of “click” in my head; I just knew that somehow I needed to return to my car, that the weather was changing. I started back. Within 200 feet of the car the rain started to come down very hard. Somehow I “felt” a change in the air pressure and was able to keep myself from getting too wet.

Other events happened during the next couple of years. At one point, while walking to work, I suddenly knew that I would be moving in a short time. Within two weeks, I had moved back to Seattle. I started to get in touch with my intuition. In fact, it was almost like I was receiving some kind of instruction — follow your intuition no matter what. I learned later that intuition is how our guides speak to us, through the vehicle of the body. It is up to each of us as individuals to learn to decipher the non-verbal language of intuition.

A couple of years later, I received a letter from one of my sisters. I did not need to open it to realize that the letter contained some negative news for me. Indeed, it did. The incident proved to be one of the first where my immediate and extended family and I began to go our separate ways.

For a long time, I did not understand what was going on in my life that would precipitate such events; I just responded at the moment as best I could. It wasn’t until within the last five years or so that I began to read things about the Indigo children, crystals and finally about ascension. Then, just this past spring, I began to realize that I was probably a starseed or envoy who volunteered to come to Earth. This was the truth of why I was different. Although I had a genetic bloodline from the indigenous population of this planet (human beings of planet Earth) I also had an additional genetic connection to my Star Family. In knowing this, I began to understand in greater detail why my life had taken the direction it did which was so different from my own family, neighbors, and co-workers. I had a purpose in being here, now, and it had nothing to do with the continuation of my Earth bloodline.

While I was married for a short time in the 1970’s, the relationship did not last very long. I was growing and exploring new avenues of spirituality, energy work and metaphysics, lines of inquiry that fascinated me and frightened my husband. Although we both were very devoted to our outdoor activities, we could not find common ground with my new interests. I needed to grow; my husband was not willing to, so I decided to leave the marriage.

I was still unprepared as I felt the depression and grief descend upon me when I finally received the divorce papers. Still, I had made a decision and had to stick by it. Although I did not realize it at the time, marriage and children would not be a part of my future. I have remained single ever since, failing to discover anyone suitable and then finally coming to the realization that marriage was not what I was here for. I had a mission and needed to concentrate on that. I was quite aware that many people would not understand my position and decisions. Still, I had to be true to myself.

Through the years, I have had visions of a sort, if “feeling” a vision can be considered one. I do have clairsentience. I have become aware that I am highly sensitive to other people’s energy when their attention is focused on me.

Although I love to write and probably seem to know a lot, I do not want to be or consider myself as a spiritual teacher.  I’m not sure that I ever would. For that reason, I have chosen to shut off comments as I often get questions that I consider, frankly, a waste of my time.  Those who are serious about inner growth are required to at least put some personal effort into the business and not expect to be handed ascension or enlightenment on a plate.

I am merely a person who is undergoing the ascension process. I have taken it upon myself to share some of my experiences, but my experiences and life is going to be very different from those people who are just coming online. This is not a criticism on my part of the newly awakened; far from it. It is merely that I incarnated in the first wave of lightworkers and star seeds that embodied after World War II; I’ve been on the path, in one way or another, all my life. It is what I came here for. It is why I am more sensitive in nature than many of the full-bloodied humans on this planet; I have a slightly different genetics, but I am one of you. I have grown up in this environment. I have incarnated many times here in different cultures, races, and time periods, for a purpose – to further the light quotient of the planet so it could return to the Light. Also, it is important that each individual learn to follow their own inner teacher, not someone like me. My writings are simply my way of expressing what I have learned. See me as an example, not a rule.

I just finished reading a book written by Paul Wallis, a fine author, presenter, a Christian and former minister and church deacon who has managed to break through at least to some degree his heavy conditioning in regards to the religion he is still devoted to… Paul started questioning the very foundations of the Bible when he recognized that the phrase “Lord” should actually be “the powerful ones”, meaning the word Elohim was plural, more than one… and given the savage rampages you find within the pages of the Old Testament, at least one of those Elohim had a serious anger management issue (Enlil masquerading as “God” and “YHWH”.  While Paul has felt uneasy about straying from the religious dogma of his youth, I had little issue on breaking out of the Methodist teachings I encountered as a child and young.  In fact, I consciously left the church when just 13 years of age.  Intuitively I knew there was something awry with Christianity.  Later on, I discovered some of the manipulations put into place to make Christianity more palatable to former “pagans”, people who were merely more in tune with their planet, in resonance with Her, with Gaia.

As an adult when I encountered such things during my life, I rejoiced; I did not turn away or wonder what my friends thought about me reading a book on shamanism, Gnostic Christianity, and the Goddess religions. I explored the worlds of fantasy, science and historical fiction. I had the curiosity and the courage to explore what was not generally accepted by my peers. It did not matter to me since I knew I was different already. Actually, it was more a matter of being “me”, being true to myself and following the intuitive nudges that took me in many different directions than my family members and friends.

In the late 1980’s I developed what came to known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This grouping of symptoms has remained somewhat controversial among the medical profession, simply because it is difficult to treat. What I found was with the intensification of the symptoms, I learned how to listen to my body. I became, I had to become more sensitive to the needs of my body than most people. I have learned to pace myself; if I’m overly tired, I rest. Sometimes I can be quite active and then I get hit with a wall of energy and need to assimilate, rest, and sometimes get extra sleep.

Around 2005 or so, I came across one of the first ascension “flu” symptom lists and realized that I had, at one time or another, experienced most of them. At some point, I realized I had been dealing with ascension symptoms for years, symptoms caused as the body attempts to detox, allowing for more light to enter its cells. The fatigue, the headaches, the loss and then gain of weight, dizziness, feeling toxic, being overwhelmed at times by emotions (not necessarily my own), having intense but forgotten dreams, experiencing visions, and receiving etheric “visitors”; all of these I experienced at one time or another over the past 25+ years. Ah, so that’s what has been going on, I thought – good!

Once I began to understand what was going on physically, it became easier for me to concentrate on releasing any remaining fears I had about my future here. I was ascending; it was what I came here to do. As I gained confidence in myself and my purpose, I started feeling more grounded and comfortable in my body. I let go of my issues with being in the third dimension; after all, I had signed on as a volunteer in good faith. Now it was up to me to work through the medium of the body and anchor all the light and love that I could and can in this world.

I’ll never be an activist or go out and protest all the ills that I see happening in the world. To react to the negativity is to give it power. I have and am constantly working on the darkness that remains in me or flows through me. I view it as dispassionately as I can, release it and let it go. All of our bodies are interconnected because, in reality, we are energy and respond intuitively to frequency and resonance.

So, I have been learning that in order to survive as a sensitive person in the third dimension there are certain things you must do. Keep in mind, this is what I have done – it wouldn’t necessarily meet the needs of someone who has a family or a lot of friends.

I have also learned that ascension for the starseeds and lightworkers often involves transmuting energies through the body, thence the widely divergent energy levels and symptoms that crop up from time to time, sometimes all the time. By accepting this as a matter of course, I have learned to relax more into the process. The energies are not letting up, but I am no longer concerned that it is something to do with my general health. No, I am just doing the work that I came here to do.

I have learned to let go of fear. Fear is widely used to control people and it has taken me great courage to do things that some people would consider foolish, like hiking by myself. Frequently I am asked by my friends if I am afraid when I go hiking alone. Simple answer, no.  However, where I am living now, I do not have access to more than wild birds, squirrels, and the occasional rabbit.

I still crave quiet. I chose to listen to quiet music if I need to unwind from reading Telegram or working on my blog. I love the sound of wind blowing through the trees, the rushing flow of a river or the patter of rain on the roof. I also use a fan or air filter at night to cover up vehicular noises coming from a nearby street.

There are many ways to deal with being sensitive in the world as it transitions. One way I have learned is to turn ever more inward, centering on my heart center and making connection with Source and my inner guides.

In all, I feel that I have been rather successful in learning to cope as a sensitive in our culture, even though it would not appear that way to many people. I simply live as I feel is comfortable for me and release any concerns about how others might view my activities or lifestyle.

Every day I am learning more and more what resonates with me and leaving the rest behind. It is a matter of being you that is most important in the process of learning to accept others. Compassion, self-acceptance, self-forgiveness, humility, courage, and grace will hold anyone in good stead as the time for the shift approaches. Heart-centered joy is a good thing to practice, as well as gratitude for what you have, even if it doesn’t entirely meet the expectations of your ego. Gratitude is very important in helping to open the heart.

Wherever you find yourself in the days to come, I send you my blessings and warmest wishes.

Eliza

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