Eliza: The Pain of the Warrior

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Eliza: The Pain of the Warrior

Note to Readers: This piece was written in 2014. Although not a warrior this time around, I empathize with those who have fought and defended humanity, on this planet and beyond…I salute you!

There are tears of understanding flowing down my cheeks right now. I have arrived at a profound understanding of at least a part of what I have been undergoing the past couple of weeks and for probably longer… releasing the self-loathing of a warrior who feels guilty for what he has done in the name of a cause, a nation, a way of life that he no longer recognizes as being healthy or desirable.

I have never worn a uniform in this lifetime, although members of my family certainly have; my father was a Navy Chief, my uncle worked with the Coast Guard, a cousin served in Nam… etc. As a young female in the 1960’s, I wasn’t expected to engage in warfare. That way of thinking has evolved towards an acceptance of women into the ranks of the military but has done little to alleviate the violence and self-hatred that soldiers, of either sex, feel when they kill and maim and destroy life.

And it is this lingering self-hatred that weaves a sordid pattern through our existence, until one day we resolve to transmute and transform the self-loathing into love of self. And these feelings of self-hatred are carried within our etheric bodies from lifetime to lifetime until we are ready to resolve and transmute them, to deal with them as I have been doing, on a conscious basis and during dreamtime with my guides and mentors.

Yesterday, I was speaking to a young man who had been a gunner. As he described the big artillery guns that he worked with, I could see them in my mind’s eye. Him being an offender and me a staff member, I was not at liberty to tell him of my own remembrances of being a warrior, of working big guns on sailing vessels and starships, of being involved in galactic and terrestrial warfare, of my sense of loss at the destruction of an entire planet or the burning of a humble cottage. Death, destruction, and denial are all part of a soldier’s way of life, and I understand it, I know it, I feel it, but not because I have been a soldier in this lifetime.

Now is the time that I take off the armor, the braces that have strengthened my arm and protected me from energetic blows, to remove the barriers from around my heart center so that I might more readily feel the energies of those with whom I am connected. Now I can release the self-hatred and condemnation for taking part with the destruction of lives and cultures, each time dying inside as another piece of me died out there.

No matter how you might try to convince me that I was only following orders, obeying my commander, or performing a righteous act by destroying the enemy, I always instinctively knew that destruction was not the way to right wrongs.

I have already written of remembering my last days as a British RAF bomber pilot. I don’t remember how long I flew the skies over France and Germany; few who flew those planes ever came home, again. This was in the short, dark days before the Americans entered the war. Britain was losing and was desperate, holding an enemy at bay by the strength of will and courage of her own stubborn people. At the same time, the enemy was being supported by entities within the British and American governments and private, industrial interests, intent in wreaking havoc while making tons of money by supplying both sides of the artificial conflict.

I died in that evil conflict, as did many. And many soldiers still die in wars. The time of using war to solve problems is over; it has been revealed to be a destructive tool used by those who wish to keep humanity under control, dominated and cowed. No longer; the soldiers are waking up, even those who have not been soldiers in this lifetime, like me, are waking up and surrendering our need to defend ourselves against an enemy that never existed except in the illusionary conjuring of beings desperately trying to keep the rest of humanity in fear and in the dark.

Despite all the deliberate burying of the real truth of these matters by the mass media, people are waking up and realizing that they have bought and lived a lie, that people aren’t naturally a race that exists only to fight and hate each other – that we are meant to live together and thrive as a collective and fully conscious race.

So, we must step beyond our self-imposed limitations and free ourselves, individually and as a collective, from the false dream that we have lived and struggled within. The walls of the cages have been lifted, but not all of us are comfortable with moving past the former barriers and into the blinding light of freedom, responsibility and embracing the spirit of Unity that urges us all towards a New and unknown world.

It takes former captives some adjustment to become re-accustomed to freedom; some never overcome the conditioned responses that have served as a means to survive the pain. So, we step out into the light, some of us with stronger resolution and determination, others with more temerity and reluctance, for to be well and truly free, we need to fully embrace that we deserve freedom.

The lives that we live now are pivotal in the growth and development of Self as Soul. We are moving towards full consciousness but moving from a state of being crippled and chained, whether by phantom binders or, in some cases, real prisons. The conditioned mind can be just as much a prison as one made of concrete and steel bars. And it will take many people all of this life and perhaps many lifetimes to be able to willingly release all that keeps them from wanting to move forward and evolve, fully embracing coming into full consciousness.

So, I have chosen to release my old memories, that of being a soldier, a warrior, whether for the defense of my king and queen or done for a cause created by those intent on destroying humanity. I let it go. I am done with it. I move to embrace my growing relationship with my multidimensionality, with my Higher Self, with the masters of Creation, with Source.

With a heart that is near bursting from the unaccustomed inflow of love, I embrace all those who are in the process of opening up to a new awareness of the connections that bind all of life together. I cannot look at the picture of a young animal, a laughing baby, a flower, a beautiful sky, a heavily lined face of an elder, without feeling an oneness with these beings, with all life. I am learning to free my human, limited consciousness and to allow the flow of not knowing what is going to happen, releasing my fears and worries of the future, to walk into the unknown with open eyes, open heart, and blithe spirit. 

And I embrace and reach out to all those who have worn uniforms of their various nations or cultures, who have resisted the invaders or have been the invaders themselves. We have all walked in each other’s shoes at one time or another. Now we can lay down our arms and embrace each other, in brotherhood and sisterhood, as human beings and members of Creation, free, whole, and unified.

My blessings go forth to all who are evolving and to those who stumble still in the twilight of their own self-imposed darkness. The dawn awaits us all, but we need to step forth into that golden light, of our own free will and in full knowledge that nothing will ever be the same for us again. Have trust that your innermost soul guides you, as the Sword of Truth cuts through the illusions and faith strengthens our determination and our hearts to go forth.


© All Rights Reserved, 2012-23, Eliza Ayres, https://sunnysjournal.com

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